Ok, so what does coaching really look like?
When I work with clients, I tend to the Mind, Heart, and Body for an integrated approach to Sexuality, Intimacy, and Relationship.
I believe that all our relationships are influenced by the relationship we have with ourselves. We can't change our partners or make them do something different, so we must focus on who we want to be in our sexuality and develop that desire.
We can’t just focus on the technical aspects of sexuality — what you do with your hands, mouth, genitals, or toys — without also giving exquisite attention to what you are thinking and believing, and your emotional experience of sex, your body, and your desires.
Here are examples of some of the topics we may cover in our time together.
I believe that all our relationships are influenced by the relationship we have with ourselves. We can't change our partners or make them do something different, so we must focus on who we want to be in our sexuality and develop that desire.
We can’t just focus on the technical aspects of sexuality — what you do with your hands, mouth, genitals, or toys — without also giving exquisite attention to what you are thinking and believing, and your emotional experience of sex, your body, and your desires.
Here are examples of some of the topics we may cover in our time together.
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Inviting Possibility
You are here because there is something you want to change about your sex life or intimate relationship. To make change requires us to look at parts of our experience that are painful, stressful, or confusing. In the face of that pain, it is easy to stop, look away, or give up. Expressing gratitude is the single greatest factor for lasting intimacy and happiness in life. Gratitude is also the best tool for appreciating yourself in times of pain, stress, or confusion. It is very difficult to be both angry and grateful at the same time. Inviting Possibility is about cultivating a practice of gratitude and creating the mental and logistical environment for your success throughout this process of looking inward, learning, and making the changes you want for the life you desire. |
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Discover Your Desire If you don’t know what you want, you won’t get it. Instead of trying to avoid what you don’t want, let’s figure out what you really DO want. I will walk you through you a simple process to discover, dial in, and really get to know what you want in the realm of sex, pleasure, and intimate relationship. This structure, applicable across all areas of your life, will help you consistently figure out what you want, communicate it effectively, and take the best next action to create what you crave. |
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Myth Busting & Truth Telling
We live in a deeply sex-negative and highly sexually misinformed society. We have all been surrounded and inundated with messages and myths that warp our own sense of how to create a healthy and fun sexuality. We will get curious about what you are thinking and believing, knowing that this material is part of what drives your behavior and orients you toward the sexual life you desire or not. We will also record the data of what has worked for you in the past and what hasn’t, so you’re able to look at the data of your arousal, pleasure, desire, and orgasm through a lens of understanding the component parts instead of judging the whole. I personally believe that most of us don’t need huge makeovers in our sexual lives. We need to organize our thoughts, feelings, and experiences into manageable sets of information so we can tweak particular pieces to make big differences. |
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Untangling Shame and Trauma
For the vast majority of us, we can’t talk about sex without talking about shame or trauma. My goal here is to create a foundation of understanding (or expand on the one you already have) on the mental, emotional, and physical responses to shame and trauma and how those responses or survival mechanisms affect your sexuality and real life experiences of sexual interaction. Many people say that once they have the language to describe their trauma or shame experiences — from early in life or the recent past and present — they are able to direct their own healing, strengthen their inner resilience, and appreciate how their survival choices kept them alive. Using these practices also brings people together because they have the common language to better understand themselves and communicate clearly with each other. |
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Developing and Celebrating Your Sexual Voice
We have these expressions in our culture: “to speak for those without a voice…” or “I’m finding my voice.” I believe that you already have a voice. You’ve always had a voice. I want to help you hone it, trust it, and wield it. There is the voice you use with people in your life to communicate what you desire, what feels good or not, and what kind of sexual life you want to create. And there is also the voice that shows up inside your mind — how you talk to yourself. If either one of these voices — external or internal — is jumbled, riddled with “I don’t know,” “you should,” “you’re so fucked up,” then its time for an upgrade. I want you to be able to describe what you want to the people you want to explore, create, or celebrate your sexuality, so together, you can craft the experiences you crave. |
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Coming Home to Your Body
Epic sex and deeply fulfilling relationships happen in your body. You know you are having that epic sex and fulfilling interaction when you feel good. But the truth is, most of us haven’t ever been taught how to use our bodies to feel good, whether we’re with a partner or on our own. Most folks learn sex by looking at pornography — where paid actors act out fantasy encounters — and, truth be told, most people I talk to about sex are not having (or don’t want to have) the kind of sex they see in porn. If you didn’t learn sex through porn, perhaps you remember your high school health class where you talked about reproduction, disease prevention, or even abstinence. Neither of these depictions of sex and sexuality foster bodily autonomy, center pleasure, and inspire creativity. I want to share with you the most up to date science of the body so you can understand how your sexual body functions. We’ll cover anatomy and physiology, states of arousal, different kinds of orgasms, and your specific questions. Plus, I’ll also teach you the Sex Body Basics, so you can use the tools of your body — breath, sound, movement, and awareness — to create the sexual pleasure you desire. The Sex Body Basics are the fundamental keys to ecstasy and are the tools you need to stay present in your pleasure. |
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Mindful Masturbation
I believe all our relationships are influenced by the relationship we have with ourselves. If you want to have a kick ass, epic sex life with another human being, you need to be able to have a kick ass sex life with yourself. Mindful Masturbation is the practice of knowing who you are as a sexual person. It is breaking out of sexual ruts, exploring what you like and what you want, expanding your repertoire, bringing love and compassion to your sexuality, and incorporating real life techniques for more play and fun. Mindful Masturbation is a practice I have been doing since 2006. I ask all my clients, students, friends, and lovers to try at least a half dozen times to just see what they get out of giving intentional love, time, and appreciation to the nuanced complexity of their sexuality. Over the course of our work together, I will offer you specific Mindful Masturbation Meditations and activities to focus your mind, experiment with your body, and come home to yourself. |
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About My Style
Prompt — I want to give you a solid foundation of information and a structure that you can use to understand and develop your own sexual life and relationships.
In each of the above categories, you get a series of educational or philosophical prompts — videos, writing, or worksheets — that invite you to consider new information or a different perspective on sexuality, relationships, or desire. The prompts and content is meant to be done at home, in your own time, so that when we meet each other in the coaching session, we are diving into the details of how this content is impacting you specifically.
Practice — As humans, we can’t change patterns or habits unless we DO something different. Your practices are designed to get the new information embedded into your body.
Think of this as learning to tie your shoes or play a musical instrument. In order to get good at the activity, you must break apart the action into a smaller series of steps or component parts to refine your skills and master your technique.
Practices include erotic, emotional, and embodiment exercises such as using your breath, movement, and voice, communicating specifically what you want, need, and desire, or remembering the earliest messages you received about sexuality.
Process — The best way to really get new information or new habits to stick with you is to track them, record the, and talk about them.
Our process is the verbal and written unpacking and making sense of the prompt and what you experienced in your practice, whether that was looking into your memory bank, engaging in solo or partnered interaction or play, or simply reporting on what is happening in your body in the current moment.
My intention is to give your brain, body, heart, and sex a multitude of avenues for learning, growing, understanding, achieving your goals so you can feel more at home in your skin, grateful in your life, confident in all your moments, and truly reveling in the artistry of your life.
In each of the above categories, you get a series of educational or philosophical prompts — videos, writing, or worksheets — that invite you to consider new information or a different perspective on sexuality, relationships, or desire. The prompts and content is meant to be done at home, in your own time, so that when we meet each other in the coaching session, we are diving into the details of how this content is impacting you specifically.
Practice — As humans, we can’t change patterns or habits unless we DO something different. Your practices are designed to get the new information embedded into your body.
Think of this as learning to tie your shoes or play a musical instrument. In order to get good at the activity, you must break apart the action into a smaller series of steps or component parts to refine your skills and master your technique.
Practices include erotic, emotional, and embodiment exercises such as using your breath, movement, and voice, communicating specifically what you want, need, and desire, or remembering the earliest messages you received about sexuality.
Process — The best way to really get new information or new habits to stick with you is to track them, record the, and talk about them.
Our process is the verbal and written unpacking and making sense of the prompt and what you experienced in your practice, whether that was looking into your memory bank, engaging in solo or partnered interaction or play, or simply reporting on what is happening in your body in the current moment.
My intention is to give your brain, body, heart, and sex a multitude of avenues for learning, growing, understanding, achieving your goals so you can feel more at home in your skin, grateful in your life, confident in all your moments, and truly reveling in the artistry of your life.