What happens when you walk through life and you don't know what you want?
Or maybe you know what you want and you just don't say it?
Nothing! Meh. Ugh.
You don't get what you want, and many times, you don't get what you need.
Or maybe you know what you want and you just don't say it?
Nothing! Meh. Ugh.
You don't get what you want, and many times, you don't get what you need.
Most of us have been taught that our desires come at too high a cost for our lives, reputations, bodily safety, careers, or families, especially for women, girls, trans, and gender non-conforming people. There are, literally, millions of examples in today's society telling us that our desires are a cute fantasy, but not an opportunity. The cruelty we could face from expressing our desires, our ambition, or our goals has kept many of us quiet for far too long.
And yet, we're in a time in our cultural evolution when more and more women, queers, and marginalized people are stepping out and owning their desires -- sexually, politically, relationally, bodily, financially, in their family, leadership, art, and magic.
So, it is time. Time for us to let ourselves dream and dare. And then take meaningful action each day to bring our desire into reality.
And yet, we're in a time in our cultural evolution when more and more women, queers, and marginalized people are stepping out and owning their desires -- sexually, politically, relationally, bodily, financially, in their family, leadership, art, and magic.
So, it is time. Time for us to let ourselves dream and dare. And then take meaningful action each day to bring our desire into reality.
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If you are someone who doesn't know what you want in sex or love or any aspect of your life, you are not alone. There is no shame in this.
With all that I said above, it makes sense that you may now know. It makes sense if you have avoided imagining, dreaming, or fantasizing about what ideal looks like for you. It makes sense if you have thought about it for a moment and then didn't return to that image. If you have journaled your desires and then hidden them away. If you have only whispered them in moments of passion or to your closest friends, like singing in the car when no one can hear you. And if you are someone who has dreamed and accomplished and then fallen flat or fallen apart, you are not alone. You and I can be in that club together. |
When people tell me the stories of their sexual life, they often say these things:
- Am I broken? What is wrong with me?
- If my partner knew this about me, he wouldn't want to be with me.
- I've never told anyone what I'm telling you, now.
- Is it ok for me to want this? Does this make me less of a ... (feminist, woman, man, etc)?
- I can't have any of this because my partner would never go for it.
- What would my parents think?
- It is too much. I can't make that happen.
Most of us stop dreaming or daring for 1 main reason:
We believe we can't have what we want.
We believe we can't have what we want.
We tell ourselves any innumerable amount of stories, consciously and not, about why we can't try something new, leave that partner, land a better job, look sexy in that dress, feel at home in our bodies, or sell everything and travel the world.
Withholding our desires breeds despair, grief, anxiety, shame, loneliness, and stagnation. We numb out, avoid, go on autopilot, and get further and further away from what is our genuine expression, ultimate fulfillment, and the world we really want to be living in.
I believe our desires are not just for our own personal satisfaction or enjoyment. Expressing our desires is an act of showing up in our authenticity, in our bravery, and our audacity. When we do this, we shift the landscape around us. We emerge and evolve, creating space for others to do the same.
Withholding our desires breeds despair, grief, anxiety, shame, loneliness, and stagnation. We numb out, avoid, go on autopilot, and get further and further away from what is our genuine expression, ultimate fulfillment, and the world we really want to be living in.
I believe our desires are not just for our own personal satisfaction or enjoyment. Expressing our desires is an act of showing up in our authenticity, in our bravery, and our audacity. When we do this, we shift the landscape around us. We emerge and evolve, creating space for others to do the same.
John Eldridge says:
We are desire. It is the essence of the human soul, the secret of our existence. Absolutely nothing of human greatness is ever accomplished without desire. Not a symphony has been written, a mountain climbed, an injustice fought, or a love sustained apart from desire. Desire fuels our search for the life we prize.
What if we believed that our desires were gifts?
That our desires are windows into possibilities and opportunities?
Or even an inevitability of what is to come when we take inspired action?
That our desires are windows into possibilities and opportunities?
Or even an inevitability of what is to come when we take inspired action?
The Deep Dive is an exploration, articulation, organization, and actualization of your desires.
In this 6 week course, we're going to lay out and explore the full breadth of what you want in your life, spanning each area you are willing to look at, and then focusing on the arena of your sexuality, desire, body, pleasure, love, and relationships -- the sphere of the intimate.
In this 6 week course, we're going to lay out and explore the full breadth of what you want in your life, spanning each area you are willing to look at, and then focusing on the arena of your sexuality, desire, body, pleasure, love, and relationships -- the sphere of the intimate.
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1. Discover Your Desire
What do you want? Let us uncover your vision for your intimate life and find your big WHY. You WHY is what sustains your momentum in times of trial, failure, flopping, reassessing, strategizing, and celebrating. You why is your vision, your radical purpose, your sacred path. It is what you know to be true deep inside. |
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2. Get Organized Organize your thoughts, your goals, and your concrete actions using the Desire Formula. Do this so you can communicate with the people in your life, to set boundaries, to invite them in to play, to get what you need to fulfill your dreams. |
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3. Understand Your Ecology of Obstacles What gets in your way from saying exactly what you want? Where do you trip and fall and struggle to get back up again? How can you use the Desire Formula to remove those obstacles and stay on your path? |
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4. Take Meaningful Action From baby steps to big quantum leaps, we have to move to make something happen. Here, you're going to schedule your priorities and take action each day to move forward your desire. |
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5. Integrate the Feedback
Once you start taking serious action to bring your fantasy into reality, you'll need to track your progress and the results of your actions. You'll need to integrate to feedback into your system of thinking an doing so you can reassess your strategy, modify your plan, or clarify your desires. All supported by your big why and the tools of an achievable outcome. |
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