Welcome to the Deep Dive. I'm excited to have you here, digging into and expressing your dreams, desires, and fantasies.
In our 6 weeks together, we're going to explore what you want and design a structure for you to create what you crave in real life. We're here to work with any desire or daydream that you've got in the realms of sex, love, relationships, gender, pleasure, and your beautiful body.
In our 6 weeks together, we're going to explore what you want and design a structure for you to create what you crave in real life. We're here to work with any desire or daydream that you've got in the realms of sex, love, relationships, gender, pleasure, and your beautiful body.
Week 1: 100 Desires
First thing is first: Make a list of 100 desires.
The purpose of this step is to give yourself the time and space to dream, fantasize, and scribble down what you do know. This list is a rough draft, so let your mind wander across any aspect of your life — not just the erotic or sensual— recording anything you think of that excites you.
You will come up with a full and fabulous list if you do these things:
The purpose of this step is to give yourself the time and space to dream, fantasize, and scribble down what you do know. This list is a rough draft, so let your mind wander across any aspect of your life — not just the erotic or sensual— recording anything you think of that excites you.
You will come up with a full and fabulous list if you do these things:
- Sit down and write this all out by hand. Pen on the page synchronizes your body and mind to be present in the moment and task like nothing else. “Writing by hand draws our mind into the present moment on a neurological level unlike any other capturing mechanism,” says Ryder Carroll, creator of the Bullet Journal.
- Be specific. Use as much description as you can to paint a picture for yourself that includes details and imagery that inspires you.
- Write down anything and everything that comes to your mind. AVOID CENSORING YOURSELF. You will organize and edit later.
- Let the list be random and wild. You will organize and refine later.
- Give yourself at least 30 minutes as a block of time. If you need to take a break and come back, give yourself enough time to dream and describe.
- Have fun!
| |||
Week 2: Make Your Desires Positively Selfish and Organized
When you have your list of 100 desires, you'll need to make them positively self-centered and organized into sectors.
1. Take a look through your list, find the negative statements, and reframe them into positive statements.
2. Make sure that all your desires are self-centered -- initiated and maintained by you and don't depend on any other person to be different than they are.
3. Organize your desires into like groups based on the sector of your life -- career, sex, money, love, parenting, family, art, activism, etc.
4. Let an overarching desire or intention emerge in each category. Move that intention to the top.
5. Associate with your feelings for each sector of your desires. Write down the answers to these questions:
1. Take a look through your list, find the negative statements, and reframe them into positive statements.
2. Make sure that all your desires are self-centered -- initiated and maintained by you and don't depend on any other person to be different than they are.
3. Organize your desires into like groups based on the sector of your life -- career, sex, money, love, parenting, family, art, activism, etc.
4. Let an overarching desire or intention emerge in each category. Move that intention to the top.
5. Associate with your feelings for each sector of your desires. Write down the answers to these questions:
- What will having this do for me?
- How will I feel when I have all this?
- What will I see or hear or feel to let me know I have what I want?
Week 3: Tracking Your Action and Identifying Your Ecology
I'm introducing tracking here, so you can start taking meaningful action that aligns with your desires and goals. This Habit Tracker was adapted from the Bullet Journal movement. I encourage you to download this document as a template to amend or to create your own version that fits your list of desires.
| Sexy Tracker |
When we talk about Ecology, we're referring to the myriad of factors, both real and imagined, that keep us from taking action or advocating for ourselves. Investigating our ecology helps us develop a deeper relationship with our inner roadblocks, rather than simply trying to avoid or repress.
We all tell ourselves some version of "I can't have what I want." Naming the specifics of what holds us back allows our system -- brain and body -- to loosen the grip on the stories we tell ourselves about who we are or what is possible in our lives. Examining our Ecology is a way for us to expand our range and create more options on our menu.
We all tell ourselves some version of "I can't have what I want." Naming the specifics of what holds us back allows our system -- brain and body -- to loosen the grip on the stories we tell ourselves about who we are or what is possible in our lives. Examining our Ecology is a way for us to expand our range and create more options on our menu.
Week 4: Taking Meaningful Action
In order to take meaningful action, we have to use time as our ally by giving ourselves a realistic timeframe, a deadline, and a clear assessment of what our current reality with time is now. In addition to being mindful of time, to take meaningful action, we need to take bite-sized steps forward -- actions and goals that are big enough to inspire us but not too big that we get overwhelmed.
Week 5: Integrating Feedback
Integrating feedback is looking at the data from tracking our action to discover what is working and what isn't working so we can tweak our process.
At the root of integrating feedback, we need to ask ourselves: What? When? How? Where? With Whom?
At the root of integrating feedback, we need to ask ourselves: What? When? How? Where? With Whom?
What did I do? What were the results?
When did I ...?
How did I do...? How did I know to do...?
Where did I...? Where was I when I did...?
Whom was I with...? When I did ... who was there?
What will I do different the next time?
When did I ...?
How did I do...? How did I know to do...?
Where did I...? Where was I when I did...?
Whom was I with...? When I did ... who was there?
What will I do different the next time?